Sunday, July 27, 2008

Out in the open

For a couple of days this week I was on what you could call an emotional roller coaster; I had two conversations, one with Olivier, my youngest son and one with Rob, my husband. We talked about a friend of Rob’s who used to come to stay with his family when all of the children were small. I really got on well with his wife, we married within days of each other and our birthdays are one after the other. Olivier suddenly remembered being in the kitchen with Rob’s friend when he was quite small and the friend saying to Olivier ‘remember that’s our secret’ he spoke in English which made the words even more secret(e)y as far as Olivier was concerned. Olivier doesn’t think that anything happened that shouldn’t have. Two days later Rob and I were talking about the same person and Rob suddenly said that he wondered if this person had ever done anything to the boys. I felt physically sick when he said that because he didn’t know what Olivier had told me. We discussed the probability calmly and decided probably not (I used to be driven round the bend by these visits – nine of us in a small bungalow, so there wasn’t much chance of anyone getting to be on their own ).

Dom came into the kitchen yesterday evening as I was telling Olivier what his father had said.; Silence (psychologists and psychiatrists always do that silence bit). Then she said that she thought probably nothing had happened as Olivier seemed fine to her, then Rob came and joined in, so we talked it through together as a family. We’ve decided to forget about it

Twice recently we’ve had good family moments which I really treasure. Olivier and Dom seem to be getting along fine at the moment. It would be lovely to have Christian with us too, of course. Dom will be moving into her tiny apartment in September and it will be years before we’re all together again.

10 comments:

alan said...

Not knowing all the players it's hard to say anything here, but you seem to have very good instincts, so I would most likely trust them...

I'm not sure that "driven 'round the bend" would be past tense with me, though. Even if I don't get upset or upset anyone else, they usually end with me being told I said something I shouldn't have, or told some story I shouldn't have.

Like that line from an old B.B. King blues song, "I ain't no 'frigerator; I don't keep nothin' in"!

Always wonderful to find you here again!

alan

Donna said...

Trust your Gut....it Never fails you....hughugs

Worldman said...

Donna is complete right with her comment. But then, reading your posts since long, I have the strong feeling that you are a lovely family that can discuss any issue softly, gently and thourougly.

Anji said...

Thank you all! I've always believed in talking things through and it seems like my children are happy to do the same.

RiverPoet said...

Anji - I sincerely hope that nothing happened to the boys. Something happened to my daughter when she was 9, despite all my best efforts to protect her. I drank a lot the night I found out. A lot. I didn't know what else to do. I felt that we were all doomed.

I'm better now, all these years later, but she's not. She's a frail girl to begin with, and it sped her along into mental illness.

Anyway, I wanted to say thanks for dropping by my blog via Doris.

Peace - D

Anji said...

Riverpoet: Thanks for your visit. I have a feeling we'll be seeing a lot more of each other!

When the children were small I couldn't think of anything happening to them, it was physically painful. I imagine I would have done like you did.

Dru Marland said...

The children of my neighbours in Portsmouth used to come and play with the children who lived in my house. I caught them stealing some things, and told them gently but firmly to put them back. They shrank in terror; it seemed obvious to me that bad things happened in their home.

It's a worry, isn't it? Olivier doesn't recall what the secret was, I suppose? -when you're young, it's easy to attach importance to otherwise insignificant moments. I know that I do.

Katie and I believe in talking, too. It seems the only sane way to be.

Anji said...

Dru: I taught children with problems and saw that shrinking back in terror. Funnily enough, Olivier was the one who had 'stranger danger' lessons at school. Though of course this wasn't a stranger...

Keep talking, not easy during the teen years, but it helps so much.

Doris said...

OMG - I must be reading the "wrong" blog of yours! That's when I do any blog reading.

This sounds absolutely scary to consider. Of course it could have been something completely innocent but there seems to be too many question marks with people.

Anji said...

Doris: I have a job keeping up with myself these days. This seems to be turning into a 'deeper' blog than the main one